Do you know & a 1000 laugh

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Primary 4.
I am smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4 immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?

*The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge*

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: O MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Chinekeme!!.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!!.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam,
"Send this BLOODY boy to the university...
Even I myself got all the answers wrong!"????????????????????

A man woke up and shouted, "Holy Ghost fire! The wife asked him,"What is it? Was a lion chasing you? The man answered, "That would have been better". The wife asked,"What is it then"? The man answered, "I nearly donated blood for buhari in d hospital". The wife said,"Blood of Jesus! Honey,lets pray.

When u pay ur school fees (N450,000) through a mobile app,and in d next 2 minutes Mtn sends u a message saying

"You have successfully subscribed for 8years 129,000Gb with the sum of N450,000,Thank u for choosing Mtn"
..
"The witch in your village will just whisper "is awa work o"????????????????

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The man drops a bit of tomato sauce on his white shirt.
"Och, I look like a pig!"
The woman nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your shirt!"

u will achieve ur aim dis 2017 type amen to claim the prayer

HAPPY NDW YEAR

An Igbo engineer can't find a job so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside

'GET TREATMENT FOR 20k - IF NOT CURED GET BACK 100k.

A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn 100k and goes to the clinic...
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste"

Igbo man: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"

Lawyer: "Ugh..this is kerosene"

Igbo man: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me 20k"
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to see if he can recover his money using another mode.

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"

Igbo man: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"

Igbo man: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me 20k"

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back 100k.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak"
Igbo man: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this 100k"

Lawyer (staring at the cash): "But this is 20k, not 100k"

Igbo man: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored.
Give me 20k"

You can't beat an Igbo man in business!

HILARIOUS SUPERSTITIOUS BELIEFS

These list highlights some of the superstitious beliefs in Nigeria:

1. If you put your eyelashes in your parents shoes, they will forget the offence you committed.

2. Don’t drink coconut water, else you become a dullard.(I’m still somehow believing this)

3. Don’t whistle at night, you will be inviting snakes.
(Nothing dey apun joor)

4. When the sun is shinning in the middle of a storm/rain, it means a lion is giving birth.

5. Don’t let people jump over you, lest you become short.

6. Don’t eat food that has fallen on the floor, Satan has eaten it already.(lolz..Na. Today?)

7. If your tooth pulls out, throw it on a rooftop, a
lizard will take it and give you another one.(Tried it 1ce tho)

8. Kill and cut off a Lizard’s head and bury it; after
three days, dig it up you will see many coins (money). # kayefi

9. If you kill a duck and bury it, it will transform into
a snake in seven days.
10.If you wash a dog’s face and use the same water
to wash your face, you will see ghosts.
11. Don’t sweep your house at night, you will be
sweeping away all your riches.
12. Once your eyes starts to twitch, someone is
talking about you.
13. If someone bites you, rub chicken p**p on the
area, the next day the person’s teeth will become
rotten.
14. If your teacher annoys you, soak garri for 3 days.
As the garri swells, your teacher’s hand would swell.
( U go juz use overfeeding kill urself)
15. In a football match, bury the egg of a lizard at
your goal post, your opponent will never score.
16. If your palms are itching you frequently, money
is coming your way soon.(I hear it works for some
people)
17. A pregnant woman should not visit the zoo, else
her child would look like an animal.
18. Don’t eat a fowl a**s, else you will start
gossiping about.
19. Don’t stand in front of a mirror at night, else you
will see evil spirits (demons).(Curiosity had made me
try dis 1ce, Guess wah? Nutin apund)
20. If you want to faint after your teacher flogs you,
put beans under your armpit and you will faint.
21. If you’re obsessed with the head of a fish. You’ll
be a dull student.
22. Don’t ever fetch water from the well at nite,
____________. (Mtcheew, I stil do am this week)
23.Don’t ever beat a male child with a broom, it’ll
affect his potency as a man. (I used to bliv this)
24. Don’t sleep with ur legs touching the wall, you
must be in a meeting with witches.
25. Don’t sit on a pestle, you’re risking ur mom’s
life.
26. Don’t sleep in reverse positions/orientation with
someone else on the bed/mat. (Smh).
27.
If bird p**p lands on ur head, money is coming ur
way.
28. When u cut ur fingernails, make sure it’s
disposed thoroughly or ur destiny is at stake.
29. If someone crosses over ur leg(s) whilst
pregnant, the unborn child will look like that person.
(*yawns*)
30. Don’t let anyone else step on ur saliva, you’ll av
throat problems.
31. Don’t eat food in the pot, it’ll rain heavily on ur
wedding day. (I wonder who blivs this sef)
32. Don’t eat food whilst in cooking mode, ur ass
will really be dark-complexioned as u grow.
33. Eat beans regularly, you’ll be as tall as you’d
desired. (I totally blivd dis)
34. You must cover ur hair, as a lady, in the
marketplace.(Ondo ppl I hail)
35. D
o not sweep the top of the table with a broom
else you become hungry always/glutton.
36.
Do not eat on the road else you wont get satisfied with the food.

(Lolz..Which of these have you ever believed in? )

Miracle working God.
Read carefully please.
A boy was kidnapped on his way back from the stream, the
kidnappers pushed him into their vehicle and drove off.
So when they were going, an argument came over among
them, which I don't even know what they were arguing about.
On the process of the argument, they stopped their vehicle,
came down from it and began to fight them selves.
Immediately the kidnapped boy ran away and escaped.
After the fight, they looked for the boy and he was no were to
be found.
It happens that the parents of the kidnapped boy has been
praying for him, and God proved his power by putting
confusion in the midst of the evil kidnappers.
Now I decree in your life that God shall put confusion in the
midst of your enemies and you shall escape from their trap in
jesus name. Amen.
I won't force you to say Amen.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!!

OBASANJO, BABANGIDA & Buhari were in a plane.
1. OBASANJO said: I can throw N1000 note out & make someone happy.
2. BABANGIDA said: I can throw two N500 note
out & make 2 people happy.
3. Buhari said: I can throw five N200 notes & make 5 people happy.
4. The PILLOT heard them & said to himself: "IDIOTS" I can throw 3 of U down & make over 150 million people happy!!!
So who do U support among this four?
A = OBASANJO
B = BABANGIDA
C = Buhari
D = PILOT