07/01/2026
When will you grow up? a lot of people ask me this question...
I buy new gaming PCs, consoles, gadgets, you name it.
I play during my free time.
And a lot of people ask me,
“When will you grow up?”
They say it like playing means I’m wasting time.
Like it means I never learned responsibility.
Like enjoyment has an expiration date.
But they never asked what kind of childhood I had.
They never knew I grew up watching.
Watching other kids play.
Standing quietly behind chairs.
Spending entire days inside a computer shop without ever touching a game.
Not because I didn’t want to play.
But because I didn’t have money.
I memorized games without ever holding the controls.
I learned patterns, timing, and strategies just by watching screens that were never mine.
I knew which part made people cheer
and which moment made them slam the table.
I waited for chances that rarely came.
Hoping someone would stand up.
Hoping someone would stretch and say they were done.
Hoping someone would look back and say,
“Finish my remaining time.”
Most days, no one did.
So I stayed.
Not wanting to leave.
Not wanting to be invisible.
Just hoping to belong somewhere, even for a moment.
They don’t know how it feels to stand there pretending you’re not tired.
Pretending you’re just passing time.
Because asking feels heavy.
Because rejection feels worse.
They don’t know how it feels to wait for a friend
to maybe let you borrow their Game Boy.
Just a few minutes.
Just enough to press buttons and feel included.
No save file.
No progress.
Just a borrowed moment that ended too fast.
While others were playing,
I was learning patience.
I was learning how to wait.
I was learning how to live with wanting something I couldn’t have yet.
So now that I have a job,
now that I earn my own money,
now that I can finally afford what I once only watched from behind,
I buy.
I play.
Not to show off.
Not to prove anything to anyone.
I do it to heal my inner child.
The one who stood quietly in the corner.
The one who waited all day for a chance that never came.
The one who learned to smile even when it hurt.
Every game I play now is a conversation with that kid.
Every purchase is me telling him,
“You don’t have to wait anymore.”
So when people ask me,
“When will you grow up?”
I already did.
I just chose to heal the parts that were left behind.
17/03/2021