Cabinet de Psihologie Alexandra-Irina Gujan

Read more: yungpueblo.substack.com

Când erai mic și plângeai, poate ți s-a spus: „Nu mai fi așa sensibil.”
Când te-ai temut, poate ți s-a spus: „Nu ai de ce. Nu e nimic.”
Când ai greșit, poate ai auzit: „Vezi ce ai făcut? Din cauza ta…”

Și undeva, înăuntrul tău, acel copil a învățat că nu are voie să simtă, să greșească, să aibă nevoie.

🧠 Astăzi, ca adult, ai voie să schimbi povestea.

Spune-ți ce aveai nevoie să auzi:
💬 „E ok să simți.”
💬 „Ești suficient.”
💬 „Nu trebuie să fii perfect.”

“Why can’t you just…” offers blame, shame, and criticism. It’s pointing to something wrong with the person. And I get it, when you’ve said the thing 5,000 times, when you’ve asked politely, shared how important it is to you, told them how much healthier it is for them, shared the impact on you, and so forth, it can be infuriating. It really can be.
But that approach usually has a dead end to it. What’s wrong with you isn’t an opener. “What keeps you from…” gives us a much better chance. Those words are synonymous with what we in the therapy world call the constraint question. What’s the block? What gets in the way? What keeps you from opening up, avoiding conflict, going to therapy, etc? This invites in curiosity, it creates space to connect to something unresolved that is currently blocking something else. It moves from “there’s something wrong with you” to “there’s a part of your story that makes this make sense.” Oof. Can you feel that shift? Oh…and if you’ve been processing this all within the context of how you speak to another…try it for yourself too. Oof again.

☀️

Relational wisdom from Harville & Helen 😊

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